IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adult. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity, How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adult #rise
One of the most common health issues found in all age groups in
this
 modern world is
obesity
. A key contributor to
this
 problem is the lack of physical exercise, and it can likely be solved by creating public awareness and an award system. Physical activity plays a huge role in maintaining a healthy weight.
However
,
people
 are physically less active nowadays. Before children have smartphones and tablets, they play physical games and participate in the various outdoor games at school and even during the school holidays.
However
, they play online games or use smartphones
instead
.
Similarly
,
although
 adults used to have to walk or ride a bicycle to their offices in the old days, they can now conveniently drive to their workplaces or call for a taxi pickup service from home. They used to have to walk to meal places but they can now place a meal order which will be delivered to their home. Less physically active
people
 tend to be overweight. One way to reduce
obesity
 is to make
people
 aware of the problems that obese
people
 would face.
Obesity
 is not just about body weight but it
also
 affects
people
's well-being. Overweight
people
 are very likely to have other health issues
such
 as hypertension, diabetes and even cardiovascular problems.
In addition
, being overweight affects
people
's mental state, as they will be less confident in their physical appearance, and they might
also
 face difficulty in finding clothes to fit them. Government should create awareness through different media and
also
 encourage
people
 to stay fit by awarding those who meet fitness goals. For one thing, the Singapore government awards
people
 who walk at least ten thousand steps a day by giving them some sort of voucher. In conclusion,
obesity
 has become more and more common in both children and adults. Governments should tackle
this
 problem before it causes
people
 to get chronic diseases and affects the countries' population.
Submitted by Wai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: