IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government is planning to set a higher driving age. The law will not allow young people below 21 to drive. Do you agree or disagree with this scheme?

It has been believed by some that allowance for youngsters to drive the car should be regulated more strictly by law. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
Linking Words
 plan and in the following
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explore two major reasons why in detail.
First
Linking Words
 of all, adults who are under 21 are more impulsive and by the
adrenaline
Add a comma
,adrenaline
show examples
 in the
blood
Add a comma
,blood
show examples
 they usually do not understand how dangerous to be fascinated by high-speed driving style can be for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
Linking Words
, when my friend got his driving license, he was driving too fast and got into an accident, where a person’s car was crashed and his leg broke. In fact, the consequences were not fatal,
nevertheless
Linking Words
 the trust of his parents and friends to let him drive flew to the seven skies. Another reason why
this
Linking Words
 law will be supported by most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that juveniles are not able to make better decisions in emergency situations
such
Linking Words
 as flat tires while driving.
For instance
Linking Words
, they might panic and cause an accident.
Thus
Linking Words
, another factor is that 18 years adults are not yet mature as 21 years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, at 18 years old youngsters are given legal rights to vote, get married and travel alone.
Therefore
Linking Words
, giving them the ability to run the vehicle at
this
Linking Words
 age will allow them to travel freely.
Moreover
Linking Words
, adolescence is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best time to learn new skills. So, they can acquire excellent driving skills if they are provided with an opportunity to ride. To sum up, even though some might argue with me saying the law should not be regulated for driving age below 21, I would disagree believing it is totally inaccurate to the other road participants, where the safe matters more.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: