IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Biotechnology companies all over the world are developing different types of genetically modified (GM) crops. However, not enough is known about these crops on our health and the environment. Interfering with nature in this way should be prohibited. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The rapid growth of the population results in the never-ending demand for
food
Use synonyms
 products. Biotechnological Co-operations all over the globe are enhancing various kinds of genetically modified crops
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 others believe that it will be harmful to our body and
as well as
Linking Words
 to nature. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I think altering the plants using technology is entirely dangerous to the human race. First of all, genetically modified crops will be costlier than regular ones.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the use of pesticides will be in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enormous
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
 and it will decrease the productivity of the soil.
Consequently
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, soil erosion will take place
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 farmland will be of no use after certain years.
For instance
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, wild animals
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 often eat the remaining parts of crops, in turn, will be in a serious problem because it will affect their health.
Therefore
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, no cultivation can take place in the near future
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if
this
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 process is continued.
Secondly
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, it will
also
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 cause a detrimental effect on human health.
In addition
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, they might prove toxic for animals,
such
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 as bees and butterflies.
For instance
Linking Words
, currently, bees are the most well-known source of pollination.
However
Linking Words
, they won't be able to provide us with pure honey
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
food
Use synonyms
 items will lack all essential proteins
add
Use the right word
and
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 vitamins
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. To summarise, I believe that GM
food
Use synonyms
 has negative effects on the functioning of
health
Check wording
the body
show examples
 and it is not an environmentally friendly solution.
This
Linking Words
 mismanagement is going on because the higher authorities of each country want an increasing demand for
food
Use synonyms
 supplies.

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structure
Make a plan. Start with a short intro that states your view. Then give two or three clear points with simple examples. End with a brief conclusion.
content
Give full and precise support for each point. Use real facts or close examples. Avoid broad claims without proof.
structure
Use linking words to show flow between ideas, like 'also', 'however', 'for example', 'in addition'.
language
Check word choice and grammar. Use correct subject-verb form and plural nouns.
content
Be careful with facts about biology; if you say bees are harmed, explain clearly or avoid errors.
content
Clear stance on GM crops.
content
Gives some examples to support points.
structure
Attempts paragraph structure with 'First of all', 'Secondly', 'To summarise'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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