IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing,. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are reluctant towards their health and fitness that causes
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in their
weight
Use synonyms
 which
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
 have
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on their productivity.in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 the average
weight
Use synonyms
 gain of
people
Use synonyms
 is seen to be increasing day by day. There are many reasons for
increasing
Add an article
the increasing
an increasing
show examples
 average
weight
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
sedantary
Correct your spelling
sedentary
 lifestyle,stressful work and eating lots of junk foods.due to fast pace life and highly stressful jobs
people
Use synonyms
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 get time to exercise.They spend more time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gadgets and social media so
basically
Add a comma
,basically
show examples
 they are becoming couch
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
decreases
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 their body metabolism and
increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 their
weight
Use synonyms
 drastically. childhood obesity is
also
Linking Words
 a result of less physical activity in
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.they avoid outdoor games and indulge more in mobile games and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 laptops. Another reason for
increase
Add an article
the increase
an increase
show examples
 in
weight
Use synonyms
 gain is unhealthy eating like going to restaurants frequently and having fast food
instead
Linking Words
 of freshly
home cooked
Add a hyphen
home-cooked
show examples
 food. In order to avoid frequent
weight
Use synonyms
 gain and to remain fit and healthy
people
Use synonyms
 should adopt
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle. They should prefer walking or riding
bicycle
Add an article
a bicycle
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of using cars and bikes.
People
Use synonyms
 should include physical activities like
runing
Correct your spelling
running
, swimming, yoga and meditations in their daily routine and indulge in outdoor sports like cricket, badminton etc.
People
Use synonyms
 should prepare their own food at home with fresh vegetables and include more healthy foods in their diet.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
concluding
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
 I would like to reiterate that health is the most important asset and one should
chnage
Correct your spelling
change
 their lifestyle and eating habits in order to have
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 which is very important to prevent diseases like diabetes, hypertension and other heart ailments. Good health of
people
Use synonyms
 is very important for
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of societies and country too.
Submitted by shravan30999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: