IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have alot of money. How might having a lot of meny make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #alot #money #meny
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Money
Use synonyms
 is playing a crucial role in everyone
life
Use synonyms
, and it is weened by some
people
Use synonyms
 that a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 can make
people
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 happy. The
first
Linking Words
 half of the essay will say how desire is fulfilling when we have
money
Use synonyms
 full in our pockets that results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 happiness, and the
second
Linking Words
 half of the essay will
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
 in
life
Use synonyms
 is the other way in which
people
Use synonyms
 get elate in their
life
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
people
Use synonyms
 have lots of will in their
life
Use synonyms
 to do which can be only fulfilled by
source
Add an article
the source
a source
show examples
 of income, if
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 has
handsome
Add an article
a handsome
show examples
 salary in his or her hands than all the needs are fulfilled. Apart from
this
Linking Words
, some
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 happy only when they can tour around the world that can be possible only by
money
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to get a luxury
life
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 which elates a person
life
Use synonyms
 can
be achieve
Change the verb form
be achieved
show examples
 by
handsome
Correct article usage
a handsome
show examples
 amount of cash. To illustrate, some
people
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 are happy in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 because they can buy expensive clothes,
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 and
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to enjoy going out with friends and family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 are happy because they can hit a cook on their winning, and
this
Linking Words
 level of success in their specialised field make them happy than ever.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they love to celebrate their winning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and do small
carnival
Fix the agreement mistake
carnivals
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 with friends and family.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, some enjoy being getting famous for their good achievements and seeing themselves on television.
For example
Linking Words
, some sportsman after winning medals at an international level feels happy and confident about themselves. In conclusion,
money
Use synonyms
 is an important asset to get happy in
life
Use synonyms
 as many desires are fulfilled;
however
Linking Words
, there are many other ways to get happy in
life
Use synonyms
. Success over your achievements is one of them which make
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 happy.
Submitted by ka261991 on

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