Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have alot of money. How might having a lot of meny make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #alot #money #meny

Money

is playing a crucial role in everyone

life

, and it is weened by some

people

that a lot of

money

can make

people

life

happy. The

first

half of the essay will say how desire is fulfilling when we have

money

full in our pockets that results

into

Change preposition

show examples

happiness, and the

second

half of the essay will

success

Replace the word

succeed

show examples

life

is the other way in which

people

get elate in their

life

To begin

with, the

people

have lots of will in their

life

to do which can be only fulfilled by

source

Add an article

the source

a source

show examples

of income, if

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

has

handsome

Add an article

a handsome

show examples

salary in his or her hands than all the needs are fulfilled. Apart from

this

, some

gets

Change the verb form

get

show examples

happy only when they can tour around the world that can be possible only by

money

Furthermore

, to get a luxury

life

which elates a person

life

can

be achieve

Change the verb form

be achieved

show examples

handsome

Correct article usage

a handsome

show examples

amount of cash. To illustrate, some

people

are happy in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

because they can buy expensive clothes,

car

Fix the agreement mistake

cars

show examples

and

able

Add a missing verb

are able

show examples

to enjoy going out with friends and family.

On the other hand

, some

people

are happy because they can hit a cook on their winning, and

this

level of success in their specialised field make them happy than ever.

Moreover

, they love to celebrate their winning

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and do small

carnival

Fix the agreement mistake

carnivals

show examples

with friends and family.

Besides

this

, some enjoy being getting famous for their good achievements and seeing themselves on television.

For example

, some sportsman after winning medals at an international level feels happy and confident about themselves. In conclusion,

money

is an important asset to get happy in

life

as many desires are fulfilled;

however

, there are many other ways to get happy in

life

. Success over your achievements is one of them which make

person

Add an article

a person

the person

show examples

happy.

Submitted by ka261991 on Sat Nov 06 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have alot of money. How might having a lot of meny make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that foreign visitors should pay more than local visitors during their visit to historic and cultural places. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

The solution to overcome the overpopulation is the education. What extent do you agree or disagree

Many people believe that the government should allocate more funding to the arts, such as music, painting, and theatre. Others argue that this money should be spent on more essential sectors like healthcare, education, and infrastructure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.