IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people are opting for several careers as compared to a single career to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #careers #career #money
The
last
 decades have witnessed an ever-increasing number of workers opting for securing multiple incomes rather than relying on one. Whilst committing to one employer has its benefits, having various
careers
 in different workplaces could
also
 be valuable. I largely concur with the assertion that being employed in several jobs is more profitable. First and foremost, changes in
job
 market dynamics necessitate various
careers
 for
skills
 diversification and
job
 security. In
this
 sense, the changing era forces individuals to be able to gain flexibility in coping with the recent
job
 demands.
Hence
, a number of workers decided to develop different
skills
 to be able to secure different occupations to broaden their professional
skills
. It is
also
 evident that certain individuals select various professions to pursue passions and interests beyond monetary gain.
In addition
, the gig economy supports the movement towards multiple
careers
, offering flexible earning opportunities. With yearly inflation, individuals are compelled to find ways to cope with the living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
, resulting in them juggling different jobs notably during economic instability.
Furthermore
, maintaining multiple sources of income
also
 provides them with a sense of security in the event of
job
 loss. In essence, they would still be able to afford their expenses with the remaining jobs. Viewed as a whole, it is fair to assert that committing to multiple
careers
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 with various benefits, including wide-ranging professional
skills
, multiple incomes and passion pursuit. On the basis of my observation, it is wise to opt for
this
 strategy to gain these palpable benefits.
Submitted by a.wangsaatmaja on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that outlines the main idea you will discuss. This helps in structuring your paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Transitional phrases are used effectively, but you can improve the flow by varying your language more and avoiding repetition.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, make sure your introduction includes a clear thesis statement and your conclusion effectively summarizes the points without introducing new information.
task achievement
You addressed the task and presented relevant ideas. For a higher score, develop your arguments further and provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
task achievement
Keep your ideas clear and develop them more comprehensively in order to create a more compelling argument. Avoid overly general statements and provide more specific information where possible.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and varied sentence structures to substantiate your arguments and provide clearer examples. This will make your essay stronger and more specific.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job market dynamics
  • skill diversification
  • technological advancements
  • income potential
  • gig economy
  • flexible opportunities
  • financial necessity
  • economic instability
  • insufficient wages
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • social pressure
  • peer pressure
  • career trajectory
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