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Writing Samples
Band 8

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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It is believed that students have to cover all expenses for their education as university courses bring about advantages to the learners rather than benefiting society as a whole. I disagree with
this
 view for the following reasons.
Firstly
, when student financial aid is provided, more people will have access to tertiary education.
As a result
, they will have a better chance of securing a job, leading to a lower unemployment rate.
This
 will undoubtedly go some way towards reducing crime as the root cause of crime is lack of unemployment and job opportunities. Statistics show that in most cities, the higher the college enrollment rate is, the lower the crime rates are, which is a testament to the positive impact of tuition fee subsidies on making society safer.
Secondly
, if the financial burden that undergraduates have to shoulder is eased, they can divert more effort and time to social and community projects that universities are frequently associated with.
Such
 projects have been contributing greatly to helping the underprivileged.
For instance
, most universities in Vietnam have voluntary clubs to help impoverished families in disaster-prone areas repair and renovate their houses. If grants, bursaries and scholarships were to be dispensed with, students most likely spend their free time working part-time to cover college costs, rather than partaking in
such
 activities to give back to society.
To conclude
, providing public subsidies for tertiary education studies does not only make educators themselves a service but
also
 the public thanks to the decline in criminal activities and increase in students' participation in voluntary work :33

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Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
To further improve your score, consider diversifying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary. While the clarity of your essay is commendable, incorporating more complex sentence structures and advanced vocabulary can enhance the sophistication of your argument.
Argument Support
Make sure every paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Your essay does well in this regard, but ensuring each piece contributes directly to your thesis will lend additional strength to your position.
Use of Evidence
When providing examples or data, try to reference specific studies or statistics to bolster your argument. While your essay mentions statistics, adding sources could make your argument more compelling.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument and restates your main points in a compelling manner.
Supporting Examples
You have used examples and reasoning to support your points, which makes your essay persuasive and engaging to read.
Logical Structure and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with clear paragraphing and progression of ideas, significantly aids its readability and effectiveness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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