IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
Many people believe that economic progress is of paramount importance for a
country
. While I agree that progress in the economy is essential, I suppose that there are other factors wh
ich a
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
re equally pivotal. On the one hand, there are two key reasons why economic growth is seen as the most important goal in a
country
.
Firstly
, a
country
 with a healthy economy is capable of providing more job opportunities for its citizens resulting in the fall of the unemployment rates.
Secondly
, having a healthy economy means that the government is likely to have more budget to spend on public services and infrastructure.
For example
, the government would invest more in improving public transportation
such
 as:
b
Remove the comma
apply
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uses, trains .
This
 could lead to the improvement of the residents' quality of life.
On the other hand
, I would argue that other pr
ogresses a
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
re as significant as the economic factors. As every
country
 has their concerns about environmental problems, the ability to protect the natural
environment
 is highly appreciated. A
country
 wh
ich f
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
ails to protect its own
environment
 means that it will be unable to protect th
e c
Change the word
its
show examples
itizens from environmental di
saster.
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
Moreover
, justice may contribute to the success of a nation. A nation with justice would help its citizens to raise their voices if they are not treated fairly,
therefore
 le
ads t
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
o a safe
environment
 for the residents to settle in. In conclusion, while I agree that economic progress is a fundamental goal for a
country
, I suppose that protecting the
environment
 and providing justice ar
e e
Change the verb form
is
show examples
qually significant.
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
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