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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People these days watch TV, films and other programmes alone rather than with other people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #tv #films #programmes #development
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In contemporary times, numerous people prefer to watch TV, films, and other programmes alone rather than with their friends or families.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on the merits and demerits of
this
 tendency before concluding that the latter is more significant. On the one hand, it is understandable why audiences intend to enjoy digital entertainment on their own. First and foremost, it could help them have an enjoyable life.
For example
, viewers could choose their favourite content without worrying about the opinions of others, which could put their minds at ease and recharge their energy after hard working shifts.
Furthermore
, being alone might enhance the quality of the watching experience.
This
 is because it could allow the individuals to fully immerse themselves in the content,
thus
, they might understand more deeply
as well as
 feel more delighted and satisfied.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that audiences should share their leisure time with others. One rationale is that
this
 decision could greatly improve people's relationships. To be more specific, spending time watching TV shows and broadcasts with members of the family means that the members can comprehend each other through the conversations and discussions among them.
As a result
, they could not only strengthen their ties but
also
 get through the conflicts quickly. Another justification is that parents could protect their children against the negative effects of unsuitable content. In fact, there are various 18+ label movies on TV, and those could be easily accessed if there were no preventions or supervisors from their parents, thereby leading ineligible audiences to imitate bad behaviours
such
 as toxicity, bullying, or racism. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that the loneliness in television recreation might have some advantages, I would contend that the downsides overshadow the upsides.
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Task Achievement
Strive for a more balanced discussion in your essay. While you covered both the advantages and disadvantages, ensure each point is fully explored with equal depth and detail.
Task Achievement
Integrate more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Instead of just mentioning generic situations, try to include real-life examples or statistics that can make your arguments more compelling and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain logical and clear progression of ideas throughout your essay. Using linking words and phrases will help enhance flow and coherence. Examples include 'furthermore', 'however', 'in addition', which guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing your main points with more detailed explanations or examples. This will help in making your paragraphs more robust and convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal freedom
  • compromise
  • negotiate
  • viewing preferences
  • enhanced focus
  • immerse
  • understanding
  • appreciation
  • independent decision-making
  • autonomy
  • personal responsibility
  • isolation
  • social disconnection
  • loneliness
  • shared viewing experiences
  • bonding opportunities
  • collective experience
  • discussions
  • communal aspect
  • screen time
  • physical and mental health
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