The number of elderly people in the world is increasing. What do you think are the positive and negative effects of this trend?

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In today society, in some
countries
Add a comma
,countries

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in some countries. Consider adding a comma.

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the number of elderly people in the world is increasing.It is true that the issue has some positive and negative but
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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believe it has more drawbacks, which will be discussed in depth in the following essay. The
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

thing that
need
Change the verb form
needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject The first thing. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to be said is
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend has the potential to be beneficial to society.The elder generations,without a doubt, have more experience and expertise in certain areas than the younger generation.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,l think
older
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the older

The noun phrase older teacher seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers

It seems that teacher may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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will have more experience in teaching and imparting to students, they can take care of the babies for young parents.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that, they can guide the youth generations.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,the fee of health medication will increase and more pressure.Most of
medical
Add an article
the medical

The phrase Most of medical needs may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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needs and fee are coming in old age so
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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need
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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more money to take care
old
Change preposition
of old

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people.It’s true that
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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having more elderly individuals reduces a country economic growth, there will be
lack
Correct article usage
a lack

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of youthful workers. From these arguments,one
Correct your spelling
must

The word most doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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most
Correct your spelling
must

The word most doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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conclude that,while there are benefits to having an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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society,it is obvious that the population can reduce a country economy and increase health problems.Overall,l believe that having a high population of elderly people is harmful to any country.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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