Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is undeniable that

music

plays an important role in human being lives throughout mankind history.

Music

significantly contributes to our spirits. Numerous people claim that

this

is an excellent connection between people in variable cultures as well as different ages. In my perspective, I strongly agree with

this

viewpoint.

First

of all, humankind utilizes melody to celebrate their happiness.

In other words

, by similar rhythm, songs could connect

sympathic

Correct your spelling

sympathetic

sympathy

hearts together,

hence

they multiply joyfulness to become a wonderful vibe.

For example

, we all know that in ancient history, kings always celebrated festivals after winning their battles; songs and dances in those performances were aimed to share the winning joyfulness from King to soldiers and citizens, together they enjoy

this

as a reward and widespread

this

satisfaction to the whole country.

Thus

music

ment

Correct your spelling

meant

to bond

humandkind

Correct your spelling

humankind

in a positive effect.

On the other hand

, melodies work as subtle means to share ultimate sadness.

This

is because

slow

Add an article

the slow

show examples

flow and sweet lyrics in songs could touch human souls. Individuals may have the sense that their sadness is empathized not only by the composers but

also

by others who have

similar

Add an article

a similar

show examples

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

For instance

, in a ballad concert in 2019, audiences shared their tears together while the singer

Correct your spelling

sang

show examples

sag

Correct your spelling

sang

show examples

a song telling about a couple who were buried on a hill.

Hence

, sharing tears means they find common sense in emotion, even in

bad

Add an article

a bad

show examples

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

. In conclusion,

music

could work as a bridge to contribute

mankind

Change preposition

to mankind

show examples

despite different ages, ethnic and cultures. My personal view strongly supports

this

bond both in

positve

Correct your spelling

positive

and negative

scene

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scenes

show examples

. In future, I

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

belive

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believe

show examples

that

music

would influence more in the world because of its variable types.

Submitted by nthaotram on Mon Nov 08 2021

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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