IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people feel that all children should be immunised against childhood diseases in order to control these diseases. Some people, however feel that they should be given a choice of weather or not to immunise their children. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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Some
people
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 believe that all
children
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 should be immunised since birth to prevent illnesses when they grow up.
However
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, others argue that they should not be immunized. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, many
people
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 believe that immunization should be given since a child's infancy. In
this
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 case, it prevents or reduces the kinds of
diseases
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 that attack
children
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 from infancy.
This
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 is because the modern era has many new variants of viruses and
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 that infect our bodies. To cite an example, COVID-19 and monkeypox viruses are easier to transmit to one another and ruin our healthy lives significantly.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
children
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 should not be given vaccinations because they think there are alternative remedies.
For instance
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, in recent years, COVID-19 has had a natural remedy from ant nests in the Papua forest, and a number of
people
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 tried to buy
this
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 natural remedy.
Hence
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,
this
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 perspective emphasizes that some public easily think that they can cure illnesses through natural remedies. In my opinion, preventing
diseases
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 in babies before birth with vaccination is the best way to reduce the spread of
diseases
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.
This
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 is because we live in a modern era with different lifestyles,
such
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 as consuming unhealthy food,
fizzy
Correct word choice
and fizzy
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 drinks, and having less health education, which makes
children
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 susceptible to infection from
epidemic
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epidemics
show examples
. In a nutshell,
while
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people
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 argue the importance of giving vaccines to
children
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, others think should not be given to
children
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. I firmly believe, that preventing the spread of
diseases
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 in
children
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 is the best prevention and a wise parent should give vaccines to their
children
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's babies period.

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coherence
Make sure to clearly differentiate between the two viewpoints in each of the body paragraphs. This can improve the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure to provide more specific examples and evidence to back up the claims made, particularly in the discussion of alternative remedies.
coherence
Refine your introduction and conclusion to ensure clarity and make a stronger connection between your overall argument and the specific points discussed.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument, indicating an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which helps guide the reader's understanding of your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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