IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
The domestic growth has been considered by some authorities that advancement of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is significant objective while those who argue that other
factors
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 developed in various
countries
 have a crucial role whether environments and transportation structures. In my opinion, the progress in each country relies on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
factors
 not only an economic improvement, and
this
 essay will discuss both these views. On the one hand, the economic movement is vital for states.
This
 movement indicates the stability of nations and a lot of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
 which
is provide
Change the verb form
is provided
show examples
 by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
such
 as high wages and an opportunity in search occupations to their individuals.
For example
, developed
countries
 have efficient regulations in encouragement in favour of economic growth, so these have been
improvement
Replace the word
improved
show examples
 rapidly and continuously for their population.
In addition
, their citizens have a quality life because they earn a high salary due to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 efficient jobs and
also
 afford whatever they want and need to lifestyles.
Therefore
, the economy has one of the main
factors
 in every domain.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that environments and domestic transportations have an influence
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many people. These should be more
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 since it relies on health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of humans.
In other words
, in cities where
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
 a large number of vehicles on the road, these ones lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution. So, most citizens are
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 regarding
breath
Correct article usage
the breath
show examples
 system.
Furthermore
, people, who are in the cities and must travel to work or study by public transportations, purchase these utilizations in daily life. Nowadays, these are ancient and not
security
Replace the word
secure
show examples
.
For instance
, most individuals commute to work by old buses as soon as they get in on buses some materials on
this
 fall on their head.
Hence
, these reasons play on a general community. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, the advancement of
countries
 depends on various
factors
consist
Wrong verb form
consisting
show examples
 of: economy and infrastructures in
existence
Add an article
the existence
show examples
 of nations.
Also
, the administrative agency should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
whole
Change preposition
of whole
show examples
countries
.
Submitted by tugsaphorn.sun on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: