IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Passage 3 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message ?

#passage #cultures #children #message
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
 are often advised differently, according to their traditions, on the ways to work hard in order to accomplish tasks.
This
 would encourage them to focus on the task without any distractions even if they deviate from the track sometimes. While reminding
children
 to work hard might motivate them, but constantly doing so will certainly have some drawbacks. These days youngsters have become very impatient and the moment they face failure in the process of achieving something they instantly give up. Reminding them to try harder will give them a positive push resulting in their success.
For example
, few
children
 who aim to learn swimming get scared with the depth of water and show reluctance to even get into the pool. Unless we drive them to show commitment they will not even make enough trials. So, persuading
children
 to firmly try whenever they struggle would help them emerge victoriously.
On the other hand
, few people believe, continuously forcing young adults to keep giving their hundred per cent in everything will result in stressing them out which will impact their physical as well as mental health.
For instance
, in Japan, people are trained right from
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
birth to do hard work due to which many adults suffered heart attacks out of stress when they reached their early twenties.
Additionally
,
children
 might feel inferior and doubt their capabilities if they don't succeed despite making all efforts. In conclusion, while there are plus points in advising
children
 to try hard enough to succeed in any task, concentration should be towards encouraging their abilities and
to teach
Change the verb form
teaching
show examples
 them to function smartly.
Submitted by masiulytekamila on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Achievement**: successfully reaching a goal. 2. **Perseverance**: continued effort to achieve something despite difficulties. 3. **Resilience**: ability to recover quickly from difficulties. 4. **Confidence**: belief in one's abilities. 5. **Goal-setting**: the process of deciding what you want to achieve. 6. **Optimism**: hopefulness and confidence about the future. 7. **Unrealistic Expectations**: goals that are not reasonable or attainable. 8. **Emotional distress**: feeling of intense stress or anxiety. 9. **Talent**: natural aptitude or skill. 10. **Opportunity**: a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something. 11. **Empathy**: ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 12. **Balance**: maintaining stability among different aspects of life.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: