Some people believe that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions

Many people feel that getting pupils ready for their careers should be the main focus of

schools

, whereas others believe that

schools

should have additional purposes. In

this

essay, I’m going to examine

this

issue

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

form

Correct your spelling

from

show examples

both points of view and

then

give my own perspective. On one side of the

argument

Add a comma

,argument

show examples

there are those who argue that the main role of educational curriculum is to construct their

students

’

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

. The main reason for believing

this

is that

students

are more likely to have wider job opportunities after graduating. Thanks to vocational activities at

schools

, pupils will be equipped with technical skills at

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

young age. As a consequence,

students

can gain more experiences, useful tips, and valuable lessons, which allows them to leave a good impression on employees.

Students

therefore

, are able to apply to

high – paid

Correct your spelling

high–paid

show examples

jobs and make a lucrative income when going to work.

On the other hand

, it is often argued that in

fact

Add a comma

,fact

show examples

schoolings ought to have other significant functions. Undeniably, morals and ethics make a considerable contribution to a civilized society.

That is

the reason why

schools

also

should teach schoolgirls and schoolboys how to behave properly or possess good virtues, which plays an important role in reducing crime among youngsters.

Moreover

, it is essential for

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

institutions to educate soft skills and how to use technology with the aim of helping children keep pace with the development of society. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,

however

, I feel that academic structure had better pay more attention to significant roles because if

students

are well – behaved they will be more successful in their lives.

Submitted by domaianh.uliser on Thu Nov 11 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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