In education and employment, some people work harder than others. What makes them work harder? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Give reasons and examples from your personal experiences.
In working or studying, some
people
tend to work
hard, because they want to get a promotion or high scores. I think it is a double-edged sword, and sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. I will discuss the topic and give my perspective on it.
To begin
with, some people
want to make more money, so they try their best in doing
things. Change preposition
to do
However
, that does not work
mostly. For example
, many pool people
work
for several jobs, and they are still being unwealthy. They believe hard-working can bring more fortune. Unfortunately, it will not. I think it depends on your major and talent. Pupils may have higher scores by preparing harder. However
, in my view, strategies are more important for learning.
It is difficult to decide whether this
is good or bad because someone works and someone does not. For instance
, hard-working
may result in an unhealthy body. I am an example of that. When I was a worker at Evergreen Group, I worked as much as I could. Correct word choice
hard work
Therefore
, I did not have enough sleep hours. Finally
, I could not stand this
working environment, and I resigned it
. To Change preposition
from it
work
hard can not help you in your career. My previous supervisor is a typical type of it. He works more hard than I did, but he is struggling with financial difficulties. He always has one hundred dollars in his pocket. Even elementary has more money than he has in their wallets. My classmate Albee married a businessman. Now, she is the CFO in their company which has more than one thousand employees. Nikola Tesla only slept three hours a day, and he invented so many creations. He was the guy who work
hard and eventually succeeded.
In a nutshell, Wrong verb form
worked
people
want to earn more money by doing jobs diligently. However
, some of them did not work
in the right way. In the end, they still have nothing, but some of them did achieve their goals completely. In my opinion, whether you are rich or not may not be relevant to the time you put into working.Submitted by edward300225 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Sometimes, the phrasing or grammar can confuse the reader. Focusing on clearer sentence structures can enhance understanding.
Task Achievement
Provide more balanced examples and reasoning. While you've provided personal experiences, integrating external examples or broader perspectives could strengthen your argument.
General
Watch out for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'pool people' instead of 'poor people', 'more hard' instead of 'harder'. Proofreading can help avoid such mistakes and improve your overall score.
Introduction
You effectively introduced your topic, presenting a clear thesis that sets the stage for your discussion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion nicely summarized your views, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You demonstrated a sound effort to connect your ideas and provide coherence through topic sentences and transitions.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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