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Band 4.5

Some people think that government should not give international aid since they have disadvantaged people like unemployed and homeless in their own country. To what extent do u you agree or disagree?

#people #government #aid #country
The
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
society
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 that the
state
 should not participate in international
aid
 since their own
country
 has
dimerited
Correct your spelling
dimerized
merited
people
for instance
 unemployed and homeless
therefore
 it is imperative to consider our own
people
 as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will elaborate
inmy
Correct your spelling
in my
 essay
Firstly
,the
state
 is
madated
Correct your spelling
mandated
 to take the responsibility of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own citizens to ensure they have basic needs through creating employment
however
,
currenlty
Correct your spelling
currently
 the lack of unemployment and homeless
people
 is the most trending challenge in the
society
 where the
state
 has not factored in bringing any solution.
Inaddition
Correct your spelling
In addition
,
this
 has resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 criminal activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
such
 that
people
 are
bieng
Correct your spelling
being
 mugged in broad
Correct your spelling
daylight
show examples
day light
Correct your spelling
daylight
show examples
.
Secondly
,it is indispensable for the
state
 to support the unemployed and homeless since it
also
pray
Change the verb form
prays
show examples
 a role in
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 the economy
such
 that the
country
 revenue would increase.
For example
 in Rwanda,the
state
 has
priotised
Correct your spelling
prioritised
 in creating jobs
such
 that the
country
 has the highest revenue collection.For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 the
state
 needs to create jobs for its own
people
 rather before participating in international
aid
However
,it is
prerequisite
Correct article usage
a prerequisite
show examples
 for the
country
 to join hands together with other countries in the international
aid
 for
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 reputation.
Moreover
, it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 a good rapport for the purpose of businesses
such
 that good relationship create a good
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 for export and import.
On the other hand
, every
country
 has different challenges whereby it cannot
relie
Correct your spelling
rely
relied
relies
 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own
therefore
 by participating in
such
 aids create an environment to be supported when
need
Add an article
the need
show examples
 arises.For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
 as much as the
state
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to support
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
show examples
 and homeless it cannot run away from international
aid
 as it has an impact.
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
,the
state
 economy can be improved by creating employment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
society
however
 as they participate in international
aid
 for
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 reputation.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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