IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

‘Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#‘some #people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
It is advocated by some when
children
 have free
time
 they should be with their families, while some are of the opinion that
this
 idea is inconvenient and has an adverse influence on them. I agree with the argument that if
children
 find the free
time
 they should be on their own so that as a person they can be less connected with their families in a good way and can obtain individual ideas.
First
 of all, the majority of parents want to spend
time
 with their
children
, if
this
 situation is not excessive it may pose a good connection, but sometimes these times exceed the limits. If ones spend every free
time
 at early ages, they tend to be too connected with their parents and whenever they decide to do something there won't be one decision her or his mother and father get involved with the topic,
therefore
, they will see a lot of harm in the long term.
On the other hand
, if
children
 acquire that they don't have any obligation to devote
time
 for their relatives. Especially during the adolescence period individual thinking comes up and they start to individualize, yet ones who deeply attach relatives around him or her
this
 period will confuse their minds. Regardless of the love parents give to their
children
, they may put them in a dire state undeliberately. A
further
 reason why
this
 is detrimental to them is that
this
 poses a serious challenge for self-confidence and in the shortage of self-reliance they will always feel insecure about every phenomenon. Briefly, while some think to force or learn
children
 to devote every free
time
 with their families is an obligation whereas some part of the society finds that problematic. I
think
Add the particle
tothink
show examples
 enable ones at early ages, to illustrate they have a personality when they have a chance they should stay alone and make a decision as an individual.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: