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Writing Samples
Band 7

Television sporting show such as olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much .Do you agree or disagree ? Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion?

#television #show #olympics #youth #exercise
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In the ultra epoch, the masses are busy with their work so they do have not much time to exercise.
However
, it is an argued issue whether folks are motivated to watch
games
 on the box or not. Even though some crowd say that those lazy
people
 who are not interested in exercise and they
also
 not motivated to watch live
games
 on the screen, I totally agree with the above notion. To embark on, the most prominent reason why the masses are strongly motivated to watch Olympic
games
 on the screen. Television is a good way to influence some masses to others. Nowadays, mostly young generation indulges in watching mobile, and video
games
 so they become lazy and do not do outdoor activities, if teenagers monitor a player who plays well, they will try to become them. To illustrate,provided that some watch a cricket player named, M.S. Dhoni; they will want to become him because he is the best captain of the team India.
Hence
, they are motivated by the assistance of television. Another worth considering, in the
last
 decade, the craze of bodybuilding has been increasing day by day since the public is influenced by bodybuilders' body cutting When folks are watching bodybuilding competitions on TV set and they want to become a body builder
then
 they start a gym. To exemplify,
according to
 the
last
 online survey, gym-going
people
 increase every month by about 3-5 per cent.
Therefore
, the crowd are more aware towards their health. In conclusion,
although
 the crowd think that the box is a good source to motivate those
people
 who are not interested in outdoor activities, in my opinion,
people
 are not only motivated by TV
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
show examples
 but
also
 should motivate themselves to improve their health.
Submitted by harmanjotdhindsa on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but could be improved by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction to guide the reader. Including a sentence that directly states your stance on the issue will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing with distinct topic sentences. This helps to organize your thoughts and arguments, making them easier for the reader to follow.
task achievement
While you provided examples, consider incorporating more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and sentence structures. Improving these aspects can significantly enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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