IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #numbers #people #situation
According to some
people
, the number of young
people
 has increased over the past few years in many nations. While some
people
 believe that
this
 phenomenon is advantageous . I totally agree with
this
 opinion due to the following reasons. There are
people
 who argue that the benefit of having young adults is that the youth play a vital role to boost economic progression. It is possible to say that young
people
 have new energy and perspective which can bring a different way of thinking to society.
Moreover
, most of them are eager to learn and build their experience so that they can apply their skill in the future. One good illustration of
this
 is that recently most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
companies tend to employ young adults because they have the ability to apply and understand different things quickly.
In addition
, they have enthusiasm which is great for team building and productivity for the business. Hiring you
people
 has a positive and important impact on driving the business forward in the development.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks to having more young adults. Young
people
 are inexperienced so they have to learn the skills from the older worker which has earned more experience on the job. It is possible to say wisdom comes with time.
For example
, a young professional who has started practising as a doctor does not have the same reputation as an experienced doctor who has been seeing patients for decades.
As a result
 of
this
 situation, when
people
 get sick, they will want to see the old doctor because they trust his experiences. In conclusion, it seems to me that there are both advantages and disadvantages to having more young
people
 in a country. In my opinion, young
people
 have more enthusiasm, energy and different perspectives.
Therefore
, I believe that these benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by dr.phitsineevet4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: