IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that governments spend too much mo ey on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems. That are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

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Many countries allocate large budgets to preserving wild nature ,
although
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 there are some people who disagree, I strongly agree that
this
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 protection is necessary and I will explain more details in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, the protection of flora and fauna by authorities is important
due to
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 the crucial role of every single part of it in the ecosystem. Without
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balanced and healthy living nature there will be several consequences for humankind, and to maintain a healthy ecological balance on
this
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 earth, all living creatures should be protected. 
For example
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, If a single species
would become
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 extinct, the whole food chain is disrupted and it can affect humans on the top of
this
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 chain.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 there are several problems that need to be addressed, protecting
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is necessary to solve a lot of
men made
Correct your spelling
man-made
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 problems.The major factor that can repair the human effect on the planet is
wildlife
Use synonyms
. Humankind activities have led to some phenomena
such
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 as climate change and  global warming, and the only major factor which can negate the consequences is
wildlife
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, the huge amount of emitted carbon dioxide never would
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
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 unless photosynthesis in the forest.
Hence
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 we have to protect
wildlife
Use synonyms
 first for ourselves, second for negating our impact on the planet. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some who believe spending a huge amount of money to protect
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary, and it is better to spend
this
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 money on other issues.
Due to
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 some important 
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
 I think
this
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 protection is important and should be continued

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas in the body paragraphs to provide a more comprehensive explanation of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows better into the next, potentially using linking words to enhance transition.
coherence and cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, they could benefit from a stronger rephrasing of the main argument to make it more engaging.
task achievement
Your argument clearly establishes the importance of wildlife protection.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points about ecosystems and wildlife.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • conservation
  • eco-tourism
  • interconnected issues
  • misallocation of resources
  • intrinsically valuable
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity hotspot
  • environmental stewardship
  • habitat preservation
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