IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Teenagers should never be put in prison with adults no matter how serious their crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #prison #adults #matter #crime
Children are the foundation of a country. They are just like tender buds who need full care, attention and love. There is an ongoing debate about whether youngsters should be put in the same place where real criminals
such
 as terrorists live or they should be put in a different jail. I strongly agree with
this
 that young people should be treated differently and will elaborate on my views in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, teenagers are psychologically weak. They commit a crime unintentionally and they should be accepted by society and treated well after they complete their short period of punishment.
However
, if adolescents are put with adult criminals who execute a murder, a big robbery and so on. Being a close communication with them would be very dangerous because a child is like clay which can be moulded in any shape.
For example
, a recent survey revealed that 75% of individuals become terrorists as they have a very strong relationship with offenders in a prison in their childhood.
Furthermore
, the mind of juveniles is very sharp. They have the courage to do anything in
this
 world,
therefore
, it becomes detrimental for them if the government put them in the same place for the punishment of small crimes like pick-pocketing and chain snatching with vulnerable folks because it affects directly on their physical and mental development.
However
, there are many communities that say crime is a crime no matter who commits it and what is the age. They believed that authorities should penalize them constantly so that in future they never dare to do it again. To recapitulate, it can be seen that victims of juveniles’ delinquency must never be put together with mature criminals. The chances of successful rehabilitation are higher if children are put separately.
Submitted by prabhjotkaur9520 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: