One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that the medical
system
Use synonyms
is improving day by day and has significant impacts on increasing human’s
life
Use synonyms
expectancy.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
phenomenon can cause negative effects , I still believe its benefits are far more glaring. On one hand, longer
life
Use synonyms
expectancy means that the demand in the working force is dramatically falling. Because myriads of septuagenarians are still willing to
work
Use synonyms
, job opportunities are decreasing and creating pressure for young employees and the
government
Use synonyms
as well.
Thus
Linking Words
, getting your dream job or applying
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
your favourite company is getting harder and more competitive, even some people are jobless. A good example is Canada, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age, senior citizens still play a crucial role in many
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
.Another thorny matter is that it places a burden on
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
care
system
Use synonyms
since the old easily
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
from common ailments as they age like cardiovascular diseases, stroke, articulation,etc, it is essential to innovate facilities, treatments for these maladies.
This
Linking Words
means that older
workers’s
Remove the s
workers’
show examples
physical ability does not meet the demand of their jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
and medical workforce have to invest
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
colossal money and time to find solutions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I still side with the idea that its pros are more significant than cons.
To begin
Linking Words
with, it is hardly denied that as our
life
Use synonyms
span increases, we have more time to spend with our family and enjoy our
life
Use synonyms
. In
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
, septuagenarians can lend a hand by taking care of
Correct your spelling
grandchild
grandchild's
grandchilds
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
so that their parents could go to
work
Use synonyms
. Especially those who are still working can have stable finances as well as
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
their health condition by getting enjoyable jobs like public communicator, teacher,etc.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Asia, many grandparents choose to
work
Use synonyms
at home and look after their grandchild.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as we are living longer,
instead
Linking Words
of going to
work
Use synonyms
, seniors could have a pension
system
Use synonyms
from the
government
Use synonyms
and young employees could inherit experiences and valuable knowledge from the former generation. In conclusion,given all those aforementioned reasons, I still believe if the
government
Use synonyms
has feasible measures, the advancement of the medical
system
Use synonyms
will have more merits than demerits.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: