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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
It is undeniable that the medical
system
 is improving day by day and has significant impacts on increasing human’s
life
 expectancy.
Although
this
 phenomenon can cause negative effects , I still believe its benefits are far more glaring. On one hand, longer
life
 expectancy means that the demand in the working force is dramatically falling. Because myriads of septuagenarians are still willing to
work
, job opportunities are decreasing and creating pressure for young employees and the
government
 as well.
Thus
, getting your dream job or applying
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your favourite company is getting harder and more competitive, even some people are jobless. A good example is Canada, despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age, senior citizens still play a crucial role in many
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
.Another thorny matter is that it places a burden on
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 care
system
 since the old easily
suffers
Change the verb form
suffer
show examples
 from common ailments as they age like cardiovascular diseases, stroke, articulation,etc, it is essential to innovate facilities, treatments for these maladies.
This
 means that older
workers’s
Remove the s
workers’
show examples
 physical ability does not meet the demand of their jobs.
As a result
, the
government
 and medical workforce have to invest
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
colossal money and time to find solutions.
On the other hand
, I still side with the idea that its pros are more significant than cons.
To begin
 with, it is hardly denied that as our
life
 span increases, we have more time to spend with our family and enjoy our
life
. In
facts
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fact
show examples
, septuagenarians can lend a hand by taking care of
Correct your spelling
grandchild
grandchild's
grandchilds
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
show examples
 so that their parents could go to
work
. Especially those who are still working can have stable finances as well as
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their health condition by getting enjoyable jobs like public communicator, teacher,etc.
For instance
 , in Asia, many grandparents choose to
work
 at home and look after their grandchild.
Moreover
, as we are living longer,
instead
 of going to
work
, seniors could have a pension
system
 from the
government
 and young employees could inherit experiences and valuable knowledge from the former generation. In conclusion,given all those aforementioned reasons, I still believe if the
government
 has feasible measures, the advancement of the medical
system
 will have more merits than demerits.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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