IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagreee. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #disagreee
These days, recruiters ask for
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 interest of the employees. Some individuals say that the details related to the status of an
employee
 are unreliable, and anyone can take advantage of
this
. Others argued in the opposite scenario. I have a balanced opinion regarding these statements, and I am going to elaborate on these views in upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, the organization would like to know the leisure activities of the
employee
 in the resume. The purpose to provide
this
 information is to know about other fields of interest. Maybe the
employee
,
for instance
, can be excellent at
field work
Correct your spelling
fieldwork
show examples
 in comparison to the desk job.
Moreover
, they calculate the potential of an
employee
 according to their interests. Sometimes corporates have tasks
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be difficult for the organisation. In
this
 case, the employer can check their
employee
 curriculum vitae and find the right person to fulfil the task.
Hence
, in
this
 way, mentioning personal knowledge can be beneficial.
On the other hand
, the information can be acquired by anyone with the help of web hacking or maybe by other employees, and they can take advantage of
this
. In
this
 modern era, competition is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 owing to the expertise of the work. If an individual,
for example
, gets
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
show examples
 because of their interests and others do not have the talent,
then
 it can create jealousy and discrimination. The other people of the firm can take advantage of the
employee
 talent, which can be detrimental for the employer, company or the
employee
.
Thus
, people think
to submit
Change the verb form
submitting
show examples
 personal details is not useful. To recapitulate, there are equal arguments on both sides, and my personal opinion is to provide information about the worker because it can benefit them to make a bright career.
Submitted by puru.sharma36 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: