IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. “Parents should not pressure their children to choose a particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose a career path they like. To what extent do you agree or disagree?” You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

#argument #case #reader #specialist #topic #“parents #pressure #children #profession #people #freedom #career #path #support #arguments #evidence
Parenting is not as simple as it may look. There is
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
show examples
 that said
parents
 must not dictate their
children
 to choose a specific profession, and youngsters may have
choose
Change the verb form
chosen
show examples
 a career path they like
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own way. But the reality is not as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideal
Correct your spelling
idea
show examples
 as it may seem. What if the
children
 did not know what they want with their
life
? What if the
children
 need
parent
Replace the word
parental
show examples
 guidance to achieve their goals? I grew up with a conservative
parent
 who told me what I should do, and what I shouldn’t.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning, my mom and dad used to have an ideal picture of what kind of
parents
 they would like to become. They told me they did not want to become like their
parents
 who told them what to do and
dictate
Wrong verb form
dictated
show examples
 what should they become. They would like to be a cooperative
parent
 who won’t put
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pressure on their
children
’s
life
. But
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passes by, they see me confused to choose what I would like to do and what would I like to become. So, they begin to suggest
me
Change preposition
to me
show examples
 what should I do and what I shouldn’t about my
life
. When I was young, I feel it comfortable and
secured
Wrong verb form
secure
show examples
 that my
parent
 chose what I should do, what kind of major I should take at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, etc. Here’s my opinion:
Parents
 should not pressure their
children
 to choose a particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose a career path they like as long as they know what to become. But, when you don’t know what to do with your
life
, I think
parent
 guidance is important
Submitted by teddysudewo on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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