Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve theie ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

Some of the public think that the aim of education is for the person to help the
community
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;
however
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, others believe that the aim is for them to achieve their goals. I believe both claims are true and should not contradict each other.
Firstly
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, Universities and schools should prepare
people
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to be an active part of society, a part which can make an impact and bring change for the good of the
people
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around them. In order to do so, the study could build important skills as leadership, teamwork, environmental or moral criticism,
for example
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, raise awareness through learning about racial and financial inequalities. Learning values
such
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as societal gaps can help the
community
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grow safely and prosper.
Secondly
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, Education should help individuals to pursue their personal hopes and dreams. The academy can open doors and provide specific courses that can help
people
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to fulfil their potential. They could secure their financial future with a job that they love,
for example
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, can make use of their personal talents and be more creative at their work. A sense of purpose can be achieved through a balance between personal achievements and the ability to create impact for society. The academy should be aiming not only to focus on financial success but
also
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to educate about how to add extra value to the
community
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. In conclusion, the academy has a critical role in shaping the next generation;
therefore
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, I strongly agree with the statements at the beginning of the essay. I believe that it's the university's responsibility to provide individuals with the tools for both achieving their dreams, but at the same time, connect them to real life and a sense of
community
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. Both aspects will ensure that their work-life will be balanced and in tune with the
people
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around them.

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strength
Your view on the topic is clear and you show both sides, which is good.
improvement
Make each main idea in the body strong with a clear reason and a short example.
improvement
Work on how ideas flow. Start each paragraph with a clear sentence about the topic.
improvement
Some sentences are long and hard to read. Use shorter lines and check grammar and punctuation.
instruction
Use simple, common words and keep to the top 100 words to be clear.
strength
Clear stance that supports both aims.
structure
Good structure with a clear order: intro, body, conclusion.
coherence
Link words help show the order of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • society
  • useful
  • work
  • goal
  • dream
  • skill
  • talent
  • creative
  • rules
  • discipline
  • team
  • care
  • space
  • options
  • career
  • future
  • balance
  • core
  • subject
  • learning
  • choice
  • value
  • growth
  • study
  • grow
  • life
  • plan
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