Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. “Parents should not pressure their children to choose a particular profession. Young people should have the freedom to choose a career path they like. To what extent do you agree or disagree?” You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Young
children
Use synonyms
have their own dream
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that
parents
Use synonyms
should not force their
children
Use synonyms
to choose what the
parents
Use synonyms
want. Because it will affect the way how young
children
Use synonyms
reach their target. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
argument with some reasons supporting that statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if the
parents
Use synonyms
support
Use synonyms
their
children
Use synonyms
to achieve what
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career
Use synonyms
path they like, it will motivate the
children
Use synonyms
to achieve their
career
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
their own way, and the outcome will most likely be good as well.
For example
Linking Words
, if a child has a passion to be professional athlete, typically they
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
twill
Correct your spelling
will
show examples
work hard to exercise every day with the particular discipline program and will join a club to
support
Use synonyms
their target until he or she can be a professional athlete by competing in some sports tournaments, either local or international. He or she will consistently participate
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
competition until he or she can achieve the highest award that he or she would like to achieve. Without
supporting
Change the form of the verb
support
show examples
from his or her
parents
Use synonyms
, it would be very difficult to achieve.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if the
career
Use synonyms
request from their
parents
Use synonyms
does not match with the passion that the
children
Use synonyms
want, it will discourage the
children
Use synonyms
and obviously, the outcome will not be satisfied as well. Nowadays, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a lot of new
career
Use synonyms
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
. Sometimes, the
parents
Use synonyms
ask their
children
Use synonyms
to be a doctor, police, or engineer.
However
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
current era, there are many new positions in the job market. If the choice from the customer does not relevant
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
children
Use synonyms
want, it will affect the process to achieve it as well,
for instance
Linking Words
, they will not
Add a missing verb
be interest
show examples
interest
Wrong verb form
interested
show examples
to go to school, their school grade is bad, and
finally
Linking Words
, they will be failed to achieve it. In conclusion, the
parents
Use synonyms
should
support
Use synonyms
what their
children
Use synonyms
want to be, because
with
Add the comma(s)
,with
show examples
the
parents
Use synonyms
support
Use synonyms
, it will motivate the
children
Use synonyms
to achieve their dreams with their own effort.
This
Linking Words
is important to be done, starting from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. Along the way, the
children
Use synonyms
will work and be satisfied with the result that they want.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: