It is often said that government project too much money on wildlife projects, while there are many other problems .to what extent do you agree or disagree

It is widely believed that the
government
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is spending a large amount of money on defending
wildlife
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,
while
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it is significant that
this
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money should be allocated to solving other problems. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
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idea and think that the
government
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should provide money for preserving endangered species. It is undeniable that other problems
such
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as educational reforms are far more important than protecting
wildlife
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and the
government
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budget should be spent on
this
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. Because education is the primary need of humankind to improve their lifestyle and the world around them.
In addition
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, health services need to be improved by the
government
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coffer. Because people do not get proper treatment in
the
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apply
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government
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hospitals in less developed nations, it will lead to many social problems
such
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as vandalism and violence.
For example
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, the Indian Times reported that 31
percent
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per cent
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of hospitals in India did not have the fundamental facilities like operation
theatre
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theatres
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or machines to perform operations or rehabilitation
centers
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centres
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.
On the other hand
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, saving endangered
wildlife
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is
also
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essential. People have inextricable relationships with fauna and flora. If they disappear in the ecological system, there are many repercussions on human life
such
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as long-term droughts,
flooding
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and flooding
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.
Moreover
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, plants play a vital role in ensuring a healthy ecosystem by balancing carbon dioxide and oxygen in the environment.
Therefore
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, defending
wildlife
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brings numerous benefits for both the species and humans.
To sum up
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,
while
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it is apparent that there are many pressing issues to tackle
such
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as educational reforms or health services by the funding of the
government
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, it is crucial that preserving
wildlife
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is far beneficial since
wildlife
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plays a considerable role in human life.

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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic effectively and presents a clear thesis statement stating your position. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced argument that considers both sides of the issue more equally before reinforcing your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, some sentences could be reorganized to improve flow and clarity. For instance, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly between points. Consider using linking phrases to guide the reader through your argument more fluidly.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your arguments, which is commendable. However, adding more specific examples or data can strengthen your argument further. For example, including more statistics or case studies about wildlife conservation could enhance your point about its significance.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is well-articulated in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument about the importance of wildlife preservation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • sustainability
  • conservation
  • investment
  • urgent societal issues
  • holistic approach
  • public awareness
  • indirect benefits
  • economic stability
  • tourism revenue
  • sustainable livelihoods
  • responsibility
  • collaboration
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