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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Other believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinionn

In recent times, the issue of
crime
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 causation has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public. Some
individuals
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 maintain that most offences stem from social circumstances
such
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 as poverty and unemployment,
while
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 others argue that
crime
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 mainly arises from inherently bad
individuals
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. Both views have valid points; I would discuss them before giving my own opinion. On the one hand,
people
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 should
recognize
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recognise
show examples
 that social conditions play a crucial role in pushing
people
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 towards
crime
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. An important point to consider is that poverty often leaves
individuals
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 with limited opportunities to earn a living, which may force them to commit theft or robbery in order to survive. To illustrate, studies have shown that
crime
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 rates are usually higher in economically disadvantaged areas.
Similarly
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, unemployment can lead to frustration and a sense of hopelessness, pushing some residents to engage in illegal activities. Another key point is that poor education and a lack of strong community support can
also
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 make
individuals
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 more vulnerable to criminal
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, since they may not be aware of alternative and lawful ways to improve their lives.
On the other hand
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, it is equally vital to consider that some crimes are committed
due to
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people
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’s inherent nature. One convincing argument is that a number of the population display natural tendencies toward aggression, dishonesty, or violence, irrespective of their life circumstances.
For instance
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, there are cases of
individuals
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 from wealthy families who still engage in crimes
such
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 as drug dealing or cyber fraud, even though they face no financial difficulties.
Moreover
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, psychological research has shown that certain personality disorders can make
people
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 more prone to criminal actions. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that poverty and social inequality often push
people
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 toward
crime
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, it is
also
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 undeniable that individual traits and choices play a part. Personally, I believe that social circumstances are the more significant cause. Tackling these issues is
therefore
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 essential in reducing
crime
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 rates in the long run.

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development
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph and keep one main idea in it.
examples
Give more strong and clear examples to back your ideas.
language
Shorten long sentences and use simple words for easy read.
content
Shows both sides of the issue
structure
Uses linking words like On the one hand, On the other hand, In conclusion
content
Gives own view clearly
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