Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the competition between every company is higher. Advertising
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
one of the crucial
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
for encouraging
people
to purchase their products.
However
, some individuals believe that
this
technique cannot help
for increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales. Both ideas have their own supporting reasons which are
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
clarified in
this
essay. On the one hand, advertisements by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous celebrities can make their fan clubs spend a huge amount of money to buy things that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not necessary or even useless
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
because they want to support their favourite idol. The effectiveness of
this
marketing measure can be proven in the highest sales rate of products
selling
Wrong verb form
sold
show examples
by
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
artists. To illustrate, even though the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
situation is terrible, the sales of
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
which is advertised by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrity still significantly rises up and reaches
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
peak
while
the other commodities without advertising cannot be sold.
Moreover
, advertising offers more opportunities for
people
to know
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
new merchandise. Without advertisements, it is difficult for them to notice whether the latest product is launched.
On the other hand
, advertising is being ignored and skipped.
People
usually change to other channels
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time for
advertisement
Correct article usage
an advertisement
show examples
or when it
popped
Wrong verb form
pops
show examples
up
while
they are watching a movie on the internet, they automatically click to the skip
botton
Correct your spelling
button
in order to continue the enjoyment. It means that
this
commercial method cannot be used
for encouraging
Change preposition
to encourage
show examples
people
to purchase things anymore. In conclusion,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
I agree that advertisement plays an important role in persuading
people
to buy things because it not only provide the latest information but
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
one of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can express
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
supporting feelings for the idol.
Submitted by Varaiphand on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Try to develop your ideas more fully to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Create stronger connections between your ideas and use transition words to improve the flow of your essay. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion reflect the content of the essay more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: