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Band 5

Many believe that it is important to protect all wild animals, while others think that it is important to protect some, not all of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#animals
Wild
animals
 are an essential part of our ecosystem.
Due to
 some reasons,
such
 as global warming, natural
disaster
Fix the agreement mistake
disasters
show examples
 or animal hunting,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife
gets
Verb problem
is
show examples
 affected. Most people stated that we should protect all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
animals
,
while
 others argued that we should emphasize saving some wild
animals
 only.
This
 essay will discuss these two aspects and it will lead
my
Change preposition
to my
show examples
 opinion. On one hand, many people insist that we should share nature with
animals
. They strongly believed that
animals
 keep the earth alive.
For example
, an area in the Amazon,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 was dead by
human’s usage
Change noun form
humans
show examples
, was abandoned, soon the wild
animals
 came back and made the area a beautiful forest.
Therefore
, all wild
animals
 must be protected.
On the other hand
, others just feel that not all
animals
 are beneficial. Human beings must be prior to
animals
 and we can not save the
animals
 that harm people.
For instance
, if a wild grizzly attacks a human, it should be caught.
Moreover
, the farmers or shepherds get damaged on their property when the wild wolves target the farm
animals
.
Thus
, saving all
animals
 are waste. In my opinion, I agree with the idea of all wild animal protection. Since long ago, we have lived with
animals
. They are a part of nature and I do not think that we can break nature because of
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 convenience.
To conclude
, every wild animal should be protected in order to maintain the ecosystem. We can
also
 think about other solutions to keep ourselves safe from aggressive
animals
,
instead
 of letting them disappear.
Submitted by lee on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing the two views and giving an opinion. However, some points lack development and clarity, so make sure to provide more detailed explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are generally well organized, but some paragraphs could be more logically arranged to enhance coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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