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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that not all criminals should be kept in prison, but that some should be allowed ti do unpaid work to help the Community

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
At the ,present some individuals think that not all lawbreakers should be in
jail
Use synonyms
, but a few have to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpaid jobs to assist society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement by discussing how people can
change
Use synonyms
, and the benefit of supporting the community.
Body paragraph 1
The
first
Linking Words
 reason is people can
change
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means, that the deleted inmates can
change
Use synonyms
 to be a better [part of society] person who wants to improve his society[ community].
For example
Linking Words
, my uncle was a convict in Melrose prison because he stole money from an old man. After he was forced to support
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society without getting paid, he realized that breaking the law is a mistake.
As a result
Linking Words
, my uncle has more respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the law and community, indicating that unpaid work could
change
Use synonyms
 the mindset of a criminal.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason is some criminals can be helpful to the public.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend is an offender who hacked the bank to steal money, but
instead
Linking Words
 of going to ,
jail
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 the warden decided to give him immunity in exchange for his help to make the system better, so no one can hack it.
Thus
Linking Words
, rather than sending him to ,
jail
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 he aids the warden to make the organization impossible to hack.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 totally agree that a few offenders should not go to
jail
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 because they can
change
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 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greater people, and some lawbreakers can be accessible to make the world a safer place. In my opinion, while the government send all the felons to
jail
Use synonyms
, some of them can be useful to make the universe more secure.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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