IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement? (22/08 ; rewrite)

Society
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 is indeed built upon a foundation of
rules
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 and
laws
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 that ensure order and harmony among its members.
While
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 some argue that these regulations restrict individual
freedom
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 and autonomy, I strongly believe that they are essential for the proper functioning of any community.
This
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 essay will explore the importance of a law-driven
society
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 and why it is necessary to maintain peace and prevent chaos.
Firstly
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, the existence of
rules
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 and
laws
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 is crucial for establishing a common understanding among people from diverse backgrounds. In a
society
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 where individuals are free to act solely based on personal desires, conflicts are inevitable.
For example
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, in group settings
such
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 as workplaces or schools, people from different cultural or social backgrounds often have varying opinions and approaches. Without a clear set of guidelines to follow, disagreements could escalate into conflicts, thereby disrupting the social fabric.
Therefore
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, having established
rules
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 ensures that everyone understands the boundaries within which they can operate, promoting mutual respect and cooperation.
Moreover
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, legal frameworks provide a structured way to address and resolve issues that arise when individuals violate the
rights
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 of others.
Laws
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 act as a deterrent to harmful
behaviors
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behaviours
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 by imposing consequences on those who break them.
For instance
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, criminal activities
such
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 as murder or theft are universally condemned and punishable by law. These regulations not only protect the victims but
also
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 serve to discourage others from engaging in similar actions. The presence of
laws
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 ensures that justice is served and that
society
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 remains safe and stable.
While
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 some may argue that
rules
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 and
laws
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 infringe upon personal
freedom
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, it is important to recognize that complete
freedom
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 without any form of regulation would lead to anarchy. A
society
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 without
laws
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 would be one where the strong dominate the weak, and where there is no recourse for those who are wronged.
In contrast
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, a
society
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 governed by
laws
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 provides a balanced environment where individual
rights
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 are protected, and everyone is held accountable for their actions.
This
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 balance between
freedom
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 and regulation is what allows a
society
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 to function effectively. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that
laws
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 may sometimes limit individual autonomy, they are essential for the maintenance of order and the protection of
rights
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 within a
society
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. A well-regulated
society
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 is one where people can live in peace, knowing that their
rights
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 are respected and that there are consequences for those who choose to violate them.
Therefore
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, I strongly support the notion that
society
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 should be based on
rules
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 and
laws
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 to ensure its proper functioning and the well-being of all its members.

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task response
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to provide stronger evidence for your points, which will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument. For instance, you could mention specific laws or historical cases where the absence of such laws led to chaos or harm.
task response
Work on the depth and complexity of ideas to push towards the highest band. This could include addressing more counter-arguments or exploring more nuanced perspectives on the necessity of laws and rules in society.
coherence and cohesion
Although the ideas are clearly linked, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to help guide the reader through your essay seamlessly. You already do this well, but a slight improvement can elevate your score even further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a strong and clear structure with an effective introduction that sets the stage for your argument and a conclusion that reinforces your main points.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively supported your main points with explanations, which helps to clarify your argument and make it more convincing.
task response
The overall response to the task is complete, addressing the prompt thoroughly and presenting a clear stance on the issue. This demonstrates a robust understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • harmonious
  • individual freedoms
  • societal norms
  • unrestricted freedom
  • crime rates
  • dysfunctional
  • fair distribution
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • accountability
  • enforcing laws
  • restrictive regulations
  • societal functionality
  • legal frameworks
What to do next:
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