In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be punished?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years,
crimes
Use synonyms
in adolescence have become a growing problem as there is an increasing number of juveniles committing an offence.
This
Linking Words
essay will outline justifications for these and suggest some feasible solutions. There are several explanations for the trend of young
crimes
Use synonyms
, some of which involve the lack of parental care and the negative impact of social media platforms. As the former, parents have a tendency to focus on their full-time jobs,
therefore
Linking Words
they do not take care of their children. If parents failed to guide their emotional children, their teenagers would find other sources of care, which lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
higher chance of meeting evil peers. The
second
Linking Words
driving factor of
this
Linking Words
issue is the media coverage of violence, drugs, and sexual harassment.
This
Linking Words
news could overwhelm children and accumulate their curiosity. Since they want to know what these
crimes
Use synonyms
are, they would do it by themselves, and
then
Linking Words
they would commit an offence. To combat
this
Linking Words
issue, punishment should be made due to the level of
crimes
Use synonyms
. Young people who are physically and mentally immature should not be put in prison.
This
Linking Words
is because they would have to survive in a hostile prison environment with old prisoners,
therefore
Linking Words
they could not focus on changing their wrong thinking and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Teenagers who commit minor
crimes
Use synonyms
like pickpockets should be put into rehabilitation to be trained
important
Change preposition
in important
show examples
skills,
such
Linking Words
as money management, communication skills, etc.
However
Linking Words
, young people who commit severe
crimes
Use synonyms
, including murder, rape, terrorism,... should be sentenced
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
prison or even
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
capital punishment. These harsh punishments would be a great warning for potential criminals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since they would be terrified and not have the idea of committing an offence. In conclusion, the increasing number of young criminals results from the absence of parental attention as well as
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
impacts of social media. The possible solution to overcome
this
Linking Words
issue is that government should carry out punishment according to the severity of
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
.
Submitted by thanhmai158 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: