In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes #criminals

In recent years,

crimes

in adolescence have become a growing problem as there is an increasing number of juveniles committing an offence.

This

essay will outline justifications for these and suggest some feasible solutions. There are several explanations for the trend of young

crimes

, some of which involve the lack of parental care and the negative impact of social media platforms. As the former, parents have a tendency to focus on their full-time jobs,

therefore

they do not take care of their children. If parents failed to guide their emotional children, their teenagers would find other sources of care, which lead to

the

Correct article usage

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higher chance of meeting evil peers. The

second

driving factor of

this

issue is the media coverage of violence, drugs, and sexual harassment.

This

news could overwhelm children and accumulate their curiosity. Since they want to know what these

crimes

are, they would do it by themselves, and

then

they would commit an offence. To combat

this

issue, punishment should be made due to the level of

crimes

. Young people who are physically and mentally immature should not be put in prison.

This

is because they would have to survive in a hostile prison environment with old prisoners,

therefore

they could not focus on changing their wrong thinking and

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. Teenagers who commit minor

crimes

like pickpockets should be put into rehabilitation to be trained

important

Change preposition

in important

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skills,

such

as money management, communication skills, etc.

However

, young people who commit severe

crimes

, including murder, rape, terrorism,... should be sentenced

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show examples

prison or even

having

Wrong verb form

have

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capital punishment. These harsh punishments would be a great warning for potential criminals

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since they would be terrified and not have the idea of committing an offence. In conclusion, the increasing number of young criminals results from the absence of parental attention as well as

negative

Correct article usage

the negative

show examples

impacts of social media. The possible solution to overcome

this

issue is that government should carry out punishment according to the severity of

crime

Add an article

the crime

show examples

Submitted by thanhmai158 on Wed Nov 17 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

326 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be punished?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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