Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The
health
problem among communities around the world is increasing. While some communities believe that by increasing sports
facilities
we will increase the public
health
level, others argue that it would have too small an effect to change it. I totally agree with the former argument, and in
this
essay, I will discuss both sides of the topic. At
first
, let's
takl
Correct your spelling
take
talk
about why sports
facilities
are important. Because with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
facilities
government will promote the
sport
and HLS.
For example
, I notice that when free gyms under the sky were built in my hometown, the number of doing
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
people
are increased.
Moreover
, I can see that there
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
many
people
coming here in the evening. Or another example, until
mass
Add an article
the mass
show examples
building of football stadium in my hometown there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
only stadium.
However
, after building around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30
stadium
Fix the agreement mistake
stadiums
show examples
, there minimum
30
Change preposition
of 30
show examples
public in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
each one. It is demonstrated that the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
can increase the
sport
doing public. Causes of the most
health
problems are laziness of folk and do not
moving
Change the verb form
move
show examples
enough. But when there is a lot of abilities
such
as
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
football,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
out or
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
every day on special tracks,
people
would try one of them
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some day
Correct your spelling
someday
show examples
. It is better as much as possible
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
in every town. In conclusion, if
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
any
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
,
then
they have to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to increase
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their
health
level
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because some
people
just can not afford it.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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