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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that teachers have an important role to play in the educational success while others think that it is the students attitude that matters Discuss both views and share your opinion

According to
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 a few people, educators play an important part in a learner's educational journey,
although
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 others may think that the pupil's approach matters the most. In the upcoming
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both the views. I,
however
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, side with the former view. To commence with, learners spend most of their time in schools and colleges interacting and learning from their
teachers
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. Many of them hold their trainers in high regard and are imitating their behaviour and thinking patterns. To elaborate
it
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on it
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,
according to
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 human Psychology, a student's mind is highly impressionable
while
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 in the learning phase of life
and
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, and
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 the right teacher can do miracles with
such
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 minds if given correct and precise positive instructions.
For instance
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, one of my friends
who's
Use the right word
whose
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college professor used to say to him
that
Correct word choice
apply
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,"You can become a great Computer Engineer and join Google because you are capable of it."
As a result
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, my friend is working with Google.
Thus
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, educators play an extremely important part in any student's educational success.
On the other hand
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,
students
Use synonyms
 are
also
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 responsible for shaping their own education because
every
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not every
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 teacher can
not
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apply
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be great. In
such
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 cases,
students
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 suffer greatly
due to
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 the lack of guidance.
For example
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, it is difficult to pass simple exams if a teacher is not of good quality
and
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, and
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 we get to see
this
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 happening in many government schools where
teachers
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 are selected from a certain allocated class quota.
Hence
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,
students
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 need a certain go-getter attitude
which
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, which
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 is not always possible. In conclusion,
teachers
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 play a crucial part in
students
Use synonyms
' educational journey towards success. Considering that learners may not always have the right approach to win,
teachers
Use synonyms
 can lead the way.

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task response
Your essay has a clear view, but add a stronger, explicit answer to the question in the introduction and conclusion.
language
Use more simple and precise language; avoid long, complex sentences. Check grammar and word choice.
coherence
Improve flow between paragraphs with clear topic sentences and linking phrases.
content
Give more specific examples to support each point, and explain how they show your view.
task response
Clear opinion in introduction and conclusion
coherence
Good use of linking phrases such as 'On the other hand'
content
Relevant examples to support points
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