IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible sollutions?

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It is a pressing issue that some
people
Use synonyms
 who look after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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 do not spend more
time
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking
care
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 of them. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is mental
heath
Correct your spelling
health
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 issues and it can be solved by community
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and activities for the elderly
socialize
Fix the infinitive
to socialize
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 with others. The main problem is that
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health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of the older
people
Use synonyms
 is decreased. It must be recognized that they suffer from mental conditions
such
Linking Words
 as dementia.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the function of the brain deteriorates can cause damage to their
health
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 memories, do not take medicine on
time
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 even
Correct word choice
if they
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not provide enough nutritional supplements in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 balanced diet.
However
Linking Words
, action can be taken to ensure enough
time
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 for
people
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 who look after the elderly and ensure the safety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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. Governments should invest more money and
time
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 in public services
such
Linking Words
 as
health
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care
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. It has a positive effect on the older
people
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, community centers have many activities for the elderly to not have well-being
loneliness
Correct word choice
and loneliness
show examples
. In conclusion, looking after the elderly is a global issue because of the low of their
health
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 to ensure take
care
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 of them. The Government needs to
spending
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 more
time
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 on their
health
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 so as to the populous towards
health
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care
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 if there
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 be hope for
tomorrow
Change noun form
tomorrow's
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 future.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some of your points are a bit vague and need more specific examples or details.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure to use precise vocabulary to express your points clearly. For instance, instead of 'they lost memories,' you could say 'they experience memory loss.'
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well. This helps the reader understand the structure of your writing.
complete response
The essay addresses the task by discussing both the problems related to the lack of time spent caring for the elderly and possible solutions,

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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