IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
In business, their
items
 are advertised, standing out as being new today. Even though consumers can be attracted to them, I concern they can be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exaggerated
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.
Companies
 advertise their
products
 to sell
further
 to
customers
, promoting their new
items
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 differentiated from others. Creative advertising
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
people
 to consume them. If these goods are authentically innovative and necessary to
customers
, not only can the advertisement be effective, but
also
companies
 positively compete to create new
products
. These competitions make
people
 find the better quality of
products
 and commercial business economically develop more.
Thus
, these
advertisements
 can be positive in many ways.
Nevertheless
, businesses can exaggerate that their
items
 are new through
advertisements
. They only focus on making innovative
advertisements
, not
products
. It is not
also
 good for
companies
 to release exaggerated
advertisements
 since
customers
 no longer buy them, being disappointed
of
Change the preposition
in
with
by
about
show examples
 them. In spite of it, many
companies
 choose an easy way how to advertise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low quality
Add a hyphen
low-quality
show examples
items
 to sell more to
people
 as it can be effective in
Correct article usage
the short-term
show examples
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
 as well as they do not have to tackle to invent creative
products
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 these cases, if
companies
 advertise their
products
 exaggeratedly, it can lead to negative commercial development. For these reasons, as
people
 are attracted to and consume new
items
 through their
advertisements
, I believe businesses should advertise innovative
products
 authentically
corresponded
Wrong verb form
corresponding
show examples
 to
advertisements
 for
customers
, cautioning themselves against making an exaggeration.
Submitted by shoep11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: