IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many parents feel that cell phones are harmful to children, while others do not. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#parents #cell #phones #children
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Some parents suggest that electronic devices might have a negative impact on the
health
Use synonyms
 of kids.
However
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, others believe that it doesn't affect
on
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apply
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their bodies in a bad way. These two sides of the issue will be discussed as follows and I will give my own viewpoint. Nowadays, parents start to provide phones to their children at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 very young age. It is caused
,
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apply
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 because adults want to know the location of the kid, his mood, his safety.
Moreover
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, it is really
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to watch cartoons
in
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 the Internet, read some books, learn new material, and find a lot of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new and helpful information.
For example
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, families do not always have
TV
Correct article usage
a TV
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 or laptop, so children can search for the different
intertainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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YouTube, there are a lot of shows and free access to everything.
Furthermore
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, most of the
cartoon
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cartoons
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 are translated
to
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into
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another languages
Replace the adjective
another language
other languages
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, so it is a good chance to learn something new.
In
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On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, offsprings start to be really addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cell phones and forget about their surroundings. The
first
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 reason is that most of the information they find
in
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on
show examples
 the Net
have
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has
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 plenty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
, which make people want to download a new application or watch something else.
In addition
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, kids forget about real life, become very
agressive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 and rude to the older generation.
Also
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.
such
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 devices have a negative influence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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, it might cause brain
tumor
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tumors
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 and vision loss.
For instance
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, many parents in China do not allow toddlers to use devices after 8pm to let the mind stay productive on the other day
,
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apply
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 and to be in
a
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apply
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great
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. In conclusion, I am in all
agreement
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agree
show examples
 with the idea that phones should be limited on time to reduce the risk of
health
Use synonyms
 problems and let children grom in a
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
invironment
Correct your spelling
environment
.
Submitted by alina13shaik on

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