IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many places of the world, more larger supermarkets are built while smaller local shops are closing down. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to local people?

#places #world #supermarkets #shops #people
In recent times the needs in our lives have increased. Many small
shops
 are inconsequential.
However
, the number of larger
supermarkets
 has increased significantly. In my view, I believe that the beneficial effects overpower the detrimental ones.
This
 essay will outline the merits and the demerits of building many large
supermarkets
. On the one hand, there are many frequent disadvantages to building larger
supermarkets
.
First,
many
people
 will suffer from the long distance. The location of Lareg market may be in the centre of the city which makes it difficult for rural areas to reach .
For example
, my friend Fatma lives in a village which is far around 2 hours from the city.
Thus
,
this
 can make shopping more difficult to satisfy their needs.
Second,
engagement in big
supermarkets
 can lead to higher prices. Many products have higher prices than smaller
shops
.
For instance
, LuLu hypermarkets have many expensive products that are cheaper in other
shops
.
As a result
, poor
people
 can't be able to buy from big shopes.
On the other hand
, there are a lot of advantages to small
shops
. The main advantage is that less crowded. It means that only the
people
 who live near to
this
 shop will buy from it. To illustrate, there are many numbers of small shopes in each village. So,
this
 contributes to reducing the traffic jam and making
people
 more comfortable. Another advantage is consuming the
time
 . If
people
 go to small
shops
, potentially finishing at the early
time
. A good example here is the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that the
time
 consumed in a large market is double
time
 the
time
 in a small one.
Therefore
,
people
 may have more
time
 to finish their work.
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coherence cohesion
Consider making a clearer distinction between the advantages of large supermarkets and small shops. It appears that the section labeled 'advantages to small shops' actually outlines advantages of large supermarkets, which could be confusing.
task achievement
Although the essay mostly covers both sides of the argument, aim to provide a more in-depth analysis and include a few more specific examples to solidify your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. Simplifying complex sentences and checking for grammatical errors will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay to create a cohesive and final wrap-up to your argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear effort to cover both the advantages and disadvantages of large supermarkets, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples such as the reference to the distance and the example of LuLu Hypermarkets contribute to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The use of personal examples, like the experience of Fatma, adds a relatable touch to the essay, making it more engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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