Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages

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According to

Linking Words

some,

music

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helps to bring

people

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together from different parts of the

world

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, different ages, and cultures. I agree with

this

Linking Words

suggestion.

This

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essay will argue that at concerts and in

clubs

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, most

people

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tend to be more friendly and cohesive and fan

clubs

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world

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-famous celebrities

also

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help

people

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to find new friends. At concerts of famous singers and in

clubs

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, thousands of

people

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merge with the crowd and the

music

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and forget about all the barriers, they become one and the same.

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my ,university we have a lot of international students and ,usually at the ,beginning they feel like strangers.

However

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, after the big party “student initiation” they forget about all the barriers and make many new friends.

This

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shows that

people

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need to relax in order to open up and become closer.

Also

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people

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are united by love for a certain artist or genre. Like-minded

people

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from all over the

world

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unite in fan

clubs

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and communities to follow and discuss all events together. Currently, the K-pop genre is one of the most popular in the

world

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, it has millions of fans around the

world

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who unite, arrange online and offline meetings and enjoy spending time together despite nationality and age.

This

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proves that many

people

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do not care about interethnic conflicts, their common passion is more important to them. In conclusion,

music

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and everything connected with it can be a good tool for communicating with as many different communities as possible. Because when

people

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understand that a person thinks like them and likes the same melody, they do not pay attention to his nationality, appearance, gender, and age. That's how the piece of

music

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breaks down barriers.

Submitted by tatianaraysan2002 on Wed Nov 17 2021

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coherence cohesion

Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical structure.

task achievement

Consider providing more detailed examples to support the main points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

Some people think that the provision of healthcare is the responsibility of the state, while others believe the individual to be responsible for the costs of their own healthcare. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these perspectives?

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Politicians personal lives should not be written on newspapers. To what extend, do you agree or disagree?