IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for children to learn the differance between right or wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them with this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. What sort of punishment should parents and teaeches be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 modern education, the
children
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's
punishment
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 has engaged the nation's interest. Some
people
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 believe that
parents
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 and
teachers
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 should teach social
rules
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 to
children
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 at a young
age
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 by using strong and strict
punishment
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.
However
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, others might argue that the best way to teach
children
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 about social
rules
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 is scolding. In
this
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 essay, I will provide my opinion and address some
punishment
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 in
this
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 current topic.
Parents
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 and
teachers
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 should teach
children
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 the difference between right and wrong, especially social
rules
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,
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apply
show examples
 when they are young to help protect themselves from posing a risk to other
people
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 or behaving in an inappropriate manner.
For example
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, some
children
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 might make a noise or dance in the underground because they do not know that when
people
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 use public transportation, they should not make a loud noise to disturb other passengers.
Consequently
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, it is important for
parents
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 and
teachers
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 to cultivate good behaviours in
children
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 at an early
age
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. I strongly support
this
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 argument. It is hard to teach teenagers or high-school students to learn some social
rules
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 because
children
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 at
this
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age
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 might believe their friends rather than
parents
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 or professors
due to
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 peer pressure. The most effective
punishment
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 for
parents
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 and
teachers
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 to be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to
children
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 is scolding and positive reinforcement.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 should scold their
children
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 about the effects of misbehaviour
such
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 as making a loud noise might cause
people
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 on that train to be able to understand an announcement clearly or dancing in the underground can lead to a dangerous situation if the train immediately stops. Another
punishment
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 is that
parents
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 should use a positive reinforcement method by giving some warning when
children
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 do something wrong and giving compliments or presents when they act appropriately behaviours. In conclusion, It is important for
parents
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 and
teachers
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 to teach appropriate discipline at an early
age
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 by using some
punishment
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 that does not damage
children
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's physical and traumatise their mentality
such
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 as warnings or time-outs.
Additionally
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,
teachers
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 and
parents
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 should offer some gifts for
children
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 having good behaviour.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the tone for the essay but could benefit from a more concise and direct statement of your stance. Consider explicitly stating your position in the introduction.
task achievement
You've mentioned the importance of teaching children right and wrong and provided examples, but try to incorporate more varied and specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but some points could be more clearly linked. For instance, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea.
coherence cohesion
The transition between your ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Ensure you use appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument, providing a clear ending to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear stance and is logically structured with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You address the prompt comprehensively by discussing both the importance of teaching right and wrong at an early age and the types of punishment that could be used. This shows a strong understanding of the task.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates some strong ideas and reasoning on the appropriate methods to use when teaching children right and wrong.
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