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Band 6

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#people #business #company #organization #outweigh
For some, working for themselves and starting their own business is a better option than working for someone else.
This
 essay believes that the benefits of being self-employed,
such
 as freedom of hours and being your own boss, do outweigh the disadvantages,
for
example
, of having an unstable income. Being in charge of your own business and making decisions for yourself is an important reason why some people choose to be self-employed.
This
also
 includes choosing your hours of
work
 to suit your lifestyle.
For
example
, if you want to go to the gym in the morning
then
work
 until the evening, or get your
work
 done in the morning
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 sit on a beach in the afternoon, you are free to do so. Another excellent plus point is that you no longer have to do what someone else tells you to do.
For
example
, a survey by the Economist magazine reported that 80% of entrepreneurs started their own company in dissatisfaction with oppressive office hierarchies,
in other
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 they were sick of being told what to do.
However
, despite these
advantages
Add a comma
advantages,
show examples
 there is always one significant downside to having your own business, a lack of stable income.
This
 is especially true at the start
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when your company is brand new, it may take some time to build up a client list, take orders, turn a profit, etc.
For
example
, the number one reason,
according to
 Forbes magazine, for new start-ups to fail is an inconsistent income stream. In conclusion, working for yourself is undoubtedly exciting and has several plus points in its favour,
such
 as
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 your hours of
work
, and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 decisions for yourself. That being said, there is a possible downside which is not being profitable
initially
 and not having a regular, reliable cash flow.
Submitted by tatianaraysan2002 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and relevant to the topic. However, ensure that each paragraph links clearly to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve coherence.
task achievement
You have provided a complete, clear, and well-articulated response to the task, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business. Your ideas are comprehensive and supported by relevant examples. Well done!

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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