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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people belive that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The issue of future careers has sparked considerable debate in recent times.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that the best way to succeed is to have
further
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 education at a university or college, others maintain that getting a
job
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 right after
school
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 is a better choice. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former point of view.
This
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 essay will explore both sides of
this
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 argument before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, there are some arguments in favour of the idea that it is better to get a
job
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 straight after
school
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.
To begin
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 with, young
people
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 can earn money as soon as they get a
job
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 and be a part of the workforce. It
also
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 means independence to them, they believe
that is
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 a way to feel free and no longer be controlled by their parents. Some of them will plan to save up to afford a home or even start a new family right after getting a
job
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.
Besides
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 that, high
school
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 leavers believe that entering the workforce will make progress to achieve success more quickly. They can gain real experience from learning practical skills
while
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 beginning employment. Early promotions and
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a successful career are what they aim for when they decide to join the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons to support the statement that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career.
Initially
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, the main argument would be that many professions nowadays require academic qualifications. It is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or a lawyer without relevant degree. Having university graduates may give graduated students better opportunities and even higher salaries. Another argument would be the recent increase in competition in the
job
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 market.
For example
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, hundreds of applicants have to compete for only one position in a company. It
also
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 means that
people
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 who have no qualifications may not be able to compete with others. All in all, the facts mentioned above have created a dilemma when
people
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 evaluate the effects of
this
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 issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that students should have
further
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 education after high
school
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.
People
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 should have
further
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 consideration on
this
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 issue.

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task achievement
Consider providing more concrete and specific examples to strengthen your points. It would make your arguments more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is fairly clear, ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus. Group related ideas together, and avoid jumping between thoughts.
task achievement
Though your points are valid, elaborate a bit more on why you believe further education is more beneficial. This could add more depth to your argument and make your stance clearer.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which contribute positively to the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the question and explores both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-done, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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