IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pay some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

#children’s #education #countries #government #costs
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In recent years, it is true that some countries have paid full or partial fees at
school
Use synonyms
 for children. While accepting
such
Linking Words
policy
Correct article usage
a policy
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 has a wide range of positive outcomes on
education
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 development, I believe that it
also
Linking Words
 comes with drawbacks. It is widely believed that there have been various benefits from payment for children’s
education
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.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the
school
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 fees funded by the
government
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 can relieve the burden for less affluent
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 concerning
about
Change preposition
apply
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education
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the financial support from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 for
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 area will encourage more children to go to
school
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, their parents can have more money to spend on food, medical care for them.
As a result
Linking Words
,
illiteracy
Correct article usage
the illiteracy
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 rate will be reduced, and it may significantly contribute to the development of the country due to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 workforce.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there still exist a wide range of drawbacks with
regards
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regard
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 to
government
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 support for
education
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, an enormous amount of money that the
government
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 share
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 burden of
school
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 fees would *take effects on the whole national budget, leading to investment decrease
on
Change preposition
in
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 other fields.
For instance
Linking Words
, healthcare services and other sectors of
economy
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the economy
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 would not be given adequate attention. In order to avoid
this
Linking Words
 consequence, raising
tax
Add an article
the tax
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 would be taken;
however
Linking Words
, it might inhibit the development of the
economic
Replace the word
economy
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some people who pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 may feel unfair, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 have no
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. In conclusion, it seems to me that reasonable benefits of
government
Use synonyms
 financial support for
education
Use synonyms
 are more significant than the possible disadvantages.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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