IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pay some of or all of the costs. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

#children’s #education #countries #government #costs
In recent years, it is true that some countries have paid full or partial fees at
school
 for children. While accepting
such
policy
Correct article usage
a policy
show examples
 has a wide range of positive outcomes on
education
 development, I believe that it
also
 comes with drawbacks. It is widely believed that there have been various benefits from payment for children’s
education
.
First
 of all, the
school
 fees funded by the
government
 can relieve the burden for less affluent
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 concerning
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Therefore
, the financial support from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 for
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 area will encourage more children to go to
school
.
In addition
 to that, their parents can have more money to spend on food, medical care for them.
As a result
,
illiteracy
Correct article usage
the illiteracy
show examples
 rate will be reduced, and it may significantly contribute to the development of the country due to
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 workforce.
Nevertheless
, there still exist a wide range of drawbacks with
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to
government
 support for
education
.
Firstly
, an enormous amount of money that the
government
 share
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 burden of
school
 fees would *take effects on the whole national budget, leading to investment decrease
on
Change preposition
in
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 other fields.
For instance
, healthcare services and other sectors of
economy
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the economy
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 would not be given adequate attention. In order to avoid
this
 consequence, raising
tax
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the tax
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 would be taken;
however
, it might inhibit the development of the
economic
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economy
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.
Furthermore
, some people who pay
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 may feel unfair, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 have no
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. In conclusion, it seems to me that reasonable benefits of
government
 financial support for
education
 are more significant than the possible disadvantages.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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