Some people prefer shopping in shopping centers, while others prefer local markets. What are the advantages of each? Share your opinion and any personal experience in your answer.

Consuming is a common activity among individuals. The preference of people varies between buying
goods
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in local markets
or
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and
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in shopping
centers
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centres
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.
This
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essay will demonstrate the advantages of each setting and provide opinions from my personal encounters.
To begin
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with, there are numerous benefits
in
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to
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purchasing products from the mall. There are a variety of valuables from countries all around the globe available to be chosen from.
This
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is convenient since people do not have to travel vast distances to reach their demands.
For instance
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, imported
goods
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such
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as apple juice from New Zealand
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as
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, as
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well as other
products
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products,
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can be located in supermarkets where quality is of a high standard.
Additionally
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, a fancier environment accommodates high-class brands
which
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, which
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are necessary for maintaining reputation when buying expensive gifts.
On the other hand
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, local stores propose traditional and fresh
goods
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that are widely affordable. Even though the environment is not luxurious, the products are homemade. To
further
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illustrate
this
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idea, newly-baked apple pies from a native family’s recipe
is
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are
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original and unlike those produced artificially by machines. Not only does it
represents
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represent
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the cultural aspects of the town, but it
also
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prevents environmental
damages
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damage
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considering
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, considering
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no manufacturing is required.
Furthermore
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, prices in town markets are reasonable because the resources are not imported and payment is not vital for labour work,
thus
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citizens of all ages can approach
this
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account. To
summarize
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summarise
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, both local and advanced centres deliver plentiful satisfaction to customers
whether
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, whether
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it is about the varieties of
goods
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or originality. Personally, I prefer shopping malls given that convenience is an important factor in my life.
However
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, domestic markets are
likewise
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acceptable.

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vocabulary
The essay has good form, but some word choice is not clear. Use simple and clear words like 'goods' not 'valuables', and 'market' or 'mall' instead of long phrases.
grammar
Check subject and verb in each line. For example, 'pies ... are' not 'pies ... is'.
structure
Make a plan before you write: intro, 2 body parts (mall and market), and a short closing. In each body part give one idea with a short example.
coherence
Use linking words to show time or cause: 'first', 'also', 'however', 'for example', 'in addition'.
coherence
Keep to one idea per paragraph. The second body should show a clear link to your view at the end.
content
The essay talks about both sides and gives a clear end view.
content
It includes specific examples like 'apple juice from New Zealand' and 'apple pies'.
structure
It has an overall plan with intro and conclusion.
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