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Writing Samples
Band 7

High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

#school #students #money
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In modern times, administering the expense will always take a lot of work for teenagers. Even mature people who have more life experience than the youth feel that it is very hard to master managing
money
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. For teens, most of them are not educated to use
money
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 effectively, and they must be taught to control their consumption habits, which will be discussed below. First of all, most current curriculums for administering
money
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 are not guaranteed.
For example
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,
according to
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 an article on CNBC, there are more and more financial courses added in the USA but most do not require students to take a semester-long class to graduate. Because most of them trained their learner to manage time or find a budget, sometimes with legislation, and other factors that do not even relate directly to education.
Thus
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, the youth can not be aware of their financial issues easily.
Moreover
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, the consumption routine created huge problems for them and must stay under control. Following the actual status,
It is clear that
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 the government must channel more
money
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 into the development of financial courses. Till now in the US, only eight states require their learner to take a semester-long course in personal finance before graduation and it must be a spreading out movement to other states. Whilst, the parents and the teachers have to educate their children or their students simultaneously
besides
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 the awareness of them. In conclusion, overseeing the
money
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’s spending is not a skill that everyone possesses it is inherently evident. Personally, the education system should enhance the quality of current financial management activities to be faced with
this
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 challenging issue.
Submitted by Alexandre Harvey on

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Coherence & Cohesion
It is important to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the subsequent sentences support the topic sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to sequence ideas more naturally and to make relationships between sentences and paragraphs clearer.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Both the reasons for the problem and the solutions need to be discussed thoroughly. Include more specific examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
Develop your main ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should explore the ideas in more depth with additional information, and where appropriate, examples to illustrate the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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