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Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #events #waste #money #celebrations #role #lives #individuals #society
Celebrating personal occasions
such
 as birthdays and marriage anniversaries are just a waste of
money
 some
people
 claim, others,
however
, consider
such
 occasions do have both personal and social advantages. The way I see it myself
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that it has a positive impact on persons and on societies. On one hand , the opponents defend their proposition by pointing out families priorities since there are bills
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
show examples
 to be paid starting with the hydro and
electricitiy
Correct your spelling
electricity
 and not ending with children's college fees.
Thus
 , it does not make sense to spend more
money
 on a birthday party or an anniversary while there are more essential financial demands had to be accomplished.
Furthermore
, life is becoming more demandable and everybody had to save some
money
 for retirement , as they pretend.
On the other hand
 , many
people
 ,
however
, have a totally different point of view where every person has the right to enjoy a cheerful break away from the stress of long working hours ,
also
 to get rid of the daily boring routine. Eventually, these individuals are going
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
show examples
 more focused on their job resulting in increasing productivity
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end. So,
such
 parties boost
people
's professional life and
this
in turn
Add the comma(s)
, in turn,
show examples
 reflects positively on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in general. A European study showed that cheerful events held either at home or at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remarkablly
Correct your spelling
remarkably
remarkable
 positive health consequences and on individuals' productivity and punctuality. To sum up,
although
 it might be considered by some
people
 to be an unreasonable way to spend
money
, celebrating personal occasions have many positive outcomes it
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 individual's professional skills
eventuallly
Correct your spelling
eventually
 contribute to social prosperity.
Submitted by mkhmd68 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lavish parties
  • essential expenditures
  • financial stress
  • lasting memories
  • social bonds
  • emotional support
  • familial and social ties
  • mental health
  • community cohesion
  • cultural heritage
  • sense of identity
  • traditional practices
  • sense of belonging
  • continuity
  • unique cultural aspects
  • personal well-being
  • routine
  • life satisfaction
  • reasonable budget
  • cost-effective
  • potluck parties
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