IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Being a celebrity – such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality
It is true that when ambitious people follow their dreams, they achieve their goals at certain stages. In some cases,
such
 individuals become internationally known and
this
 may cause concern.
However
, I believe what they gain far outweighs the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, there is a risk of privacy being invaded when people become famous. Looking at superstars or soccer players, it is clear that they never have the chance to be in public places without confronting an ocean of fans asking for their signature or taking pictures.
Although
 at
first
Add a comma
,first
show examples
 it seems enjoyable to be recognized widely, it can be irritating or sometimes disturbing especially when a celebrity needs some peace and quiet. When renowned people are interviewed, they usually complain about their lack of privacy and
this
 proves that
such
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
show examples
 can give rise to difficulties.
On the other hand
, from
economic
Add an article
an economic
the economic
show examples
 point of view, well-known public figures have the privilege of handsome salaries. They usually sign huge contracts with big advertising companies and
this
 enables them to spend extravagantly.
Therefore
, they are never concerned about their account’s balance resulting in a sense of satisfaction in their life.
For instance
, most sports champions in my country own luxurious cars and mansions and even some of them have factories.
In addition
, being wealthy alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fame can offer opportunities like helping charities or joining international organizations to address global problems
such
 as global warming or pollution.
As a result
, they feel happy to play their role
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an international scale. In conclusion,
although
 fame can cause
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 transparent life for celebrities, in my view, the disadvantages pale
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
insignificance compared to the benefits.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public scrutiny
  • Intrusive
  • Endorsements
  • Sponsorships
  • Financial security
  • High-profile collaborations
  • Social influence
  • Philanthropic efforts
  • Trust issues
  • Mental health challenges
  • Substance abuse
  • Pressures of celebrity
  • Expectations
  • Disconnect from reality
  • Normalcy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: