Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?
In the contemporary era, certain individuals argue that addressing environmental contamination and residential accommodation should be prioritized by authorities to prevent diseases. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
standpoint, further
believing that education should be included. This
following essay will support my viewpoint.
It is undeniable that pollution and housing problems have been deteriorating humans’ well-being. In terms of ecosystem degradation, the deficiency of hygiene water, Correct determiner usage
The
along with
the poor air quality has constituted a higher risk of illnesses related to respiratory and digestive systems, namely bronchitis, sinusitis or digestive disorders. Additionally
, the living environment is another major problem since a number of inhabitants have lived in slums or degraded houses where several fundamental needs, especially clean water, has
not been met. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
This
, consequently
, triggers such
serious diseases as diarrhea
or dengue, affecting Change the spelling
diarrhoea
the
Correct article usage
apply
overall
health. Thus
, if increasing concern and budget allocation from the government were put on improving the biological environment and accommodation, humans’
health would be enhanced.
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
Besides
the significance of these two elements above, propagating the danger of some illnesses as well as
upgrading the health system also
play
crucial roles. To be more precise, not all proportions of the population have Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
sufficient
and comprehensive understanding Add an article
a sufficient
about
all kinds of diseases. Change preposition
of
Hence
, launching such
campaigns educating about the adverse effects of smoking or drinking alcohol may alter the people’s mindset, finally
, lowering the number of cancer patients.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that curbing ecological pollution and tackling housing problems can prevent widespread illnesses. Besides
, education about the disease’s seriousness should also
be concluded.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity and effectiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Considering the inclusion of quantifiable data or studies could further solidify your position on the given topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a strong stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate the essay's main points, enhancing coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's structure is logical and easy to follow, supporting the development of your argument well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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